By Duglass Frazzlers, Our Nae Comment Business Editor

World markets reacted badly this morning to the UK’s credit rating downgrade from AAA to AA1, the first time the UK has lost its cherished AAA rating since 1978.

The pound fell to a 31-month low against the dollar and a 16-month low against the euro amid fears of sluggish growth in the UK.

Late Friday afternoon Moody's Investors Service downgraded the domestic- and foreign-currency government bond ratings of the United Kingdom by one notch to Aa1 from Aaa.

According to Moody’s the key interrelated drivers of Moody’s downgrade action are:

1. The continuing weakness in the UK's medium-term growth outlook, with a period of sluggish growth which Moody's now expects will extend into the second half of the decade;

2. The challenges that subdued medium-term growth prospects pose to the government's fiscal consolidation programme, which will now extend well into the next parliament;

3. And, as a consequence of the UK's high and rising debt burden, a deterioration in the shock-absorption capacity of the government's balance sheet, which is unlikely to reverse before 2016.

4. However, a significant threat to the UK’s balance sheet is a YES vote in the 2014 Scotlandshire independence referendum as the massive natural resources of Scotlandshire are torn from the asset base of the UK.

5. Investors could take flight in the event of a YES vote, moving their money and investments to the new independent Scotlandshire.

Official figures from the Office for National Statistics graphically demonstrate sluggish growth over the last few years.

Danni Alexander, Chief Secretary to the UK Treasury, told our very own Durtytrick Bastyman on Saturday’s “Keich Morning Scotlandshire – Best Go Back to Your Pit” that everything he had ever said was being taken out of context and spun to make him look like a numpty. The Chief Secretary said: “Look I talk a load of keich and I’m still wondering how I managed to land this top job, but all my inappropriate indiscretions are the fault of the last Red Tory government.

Nick Clegg will vouch that he knows of nothing, well maybe he knows of something! God I don’t know what Nick knows, even Nick doesn’t know what he knows or doesn’t know!”

BBC Scotlandshire staff helped escort a fragile and tearful Mr Alexander from the studio.

Pressure is now growing on Alastair Darling, Heid of U-KOK, to withdraw the latest Better Together leaflet under advertising standards rules that specify you cannot tell porkies.

The leaflet states: “Scots save billions on the cost of mortgages due to the UK's AAA credit rating. Source HMT Analysts”

A spokesnat for the separatist YES campaign questioned: “When are the Better Together campaign and the UK Government going to get a grip on these gaffs?”

He went on to demand: “Surely their latest leaflet is now destined for the nearest recycling bin? Didn't Labour Hame just win an award for recycling? Maybe it could go there?”

Appearing on BBC Scotlandshire’s Weegie Business News this morning, expert Allpish Pratell of Pratenium Poncers said the pound is liable to fall to parity with the Euro, a currency previously described by the No campaign as a "failing, comedy currency absolutely no one would want to leave the proud and strong Sterling for".

An exchange rate of $1.35 against the dollar is also highly likely.

He further believed this long awaited downgrade had already been priced into the market but predicted the pound would face significant downward pressure over the next 48 hours.

Reacting to this morning report Fergus Ewing MSP, the Minister for Enterprise, Energy and Tourism for the Scotlandshire Government, responded: “I watched this morning’s news report with interest. The expert’s analysis about the pound being a dead parrot against the Euro was strange but the imagery it prompts is undeniable.”

Commenting further Mr Ewing said: “It is interesting to note the first factor listed on the Moody’s press release was the sluggish growth. This is inevitable with a Tory government in charge at Westminster.”

He then reflected: “Looking back to the Thatcher government you had Kenneth Baker turning into a slug, as exposed by the investigative journalism of Spitting Image,”

He prompted further food for thought when he laid down the challenge: “Has George Osborne been seen recently in Scotland? No he hasn’t. That’s because he’s in the process of growing more slug like. It is a fundamental slimy Tory transformation process.”

The Minister then passed us a recently taken photo of Mr Osborne. The BBC Scotlandshire news team was shocked to discover slug people were the ones driving the economic cycle. It is a sluggish design - an assault on our glorious empire. 

BBC Scotlandshire sought out expert advice from Beechgrove Garden veteran Jim McColl, who told us sluggish growth has been a problem for years.

Commenting on his own solution to the problem he stated: “I’ve been telling First Minister Salmond of the need for capital investment in plants for years. We need our seed money back from the UK Government to kick start and keep the growth going.“

Criticising the Secretary to the Treasury he slammed: “I’ve lost count of the number of times John Swinney has lost the plot when discussing this organic matter with the UK Treasury. With John a spade is a spade, with Danni it is a shit shovelling device left to him by the last Red Tory government.”

BBC Scotlandshire sought out a senior figure from the now defunct Liberal Democrats in Scotlandshire to comment on the performance of the barely functioning UK arm, but the unworldly figure that confronted the team had us reaching for a new pair of briefs.

Reports of a strange haunting noise every other week during First Dictator’s Questions turned out to be the ghost of Wullie Rennie MSP, who tragically committed political suicide during a recent Bedroom Tax discussion on the Sunday Politics Scotlandshire.

Materalising before us, Mr Rennie’s demoniacal spirit whooed: “I cannae believe it! I’m stuck in limbo until we get Home Rule. But hey, whit can you do, eh???”

It wasn’t clear in which direction Mr Rennie’s spirit would be moving on in the highly unlikely event that Westminster agrees to Home Rule for Scotlandshire. Ladbroke’s Political Betting has “Hell” as the 10-1 on favourite but this was prefaced with a massive disclaimer of “Home Rule being a non-runner”.

Intrigued by Mr Rennie’s latest dilemma, BBC Scotlandshire asked world renowned psychic Itella Fortunes about the likely outcome for Wullie Rennie’s spirit if the UK Government ever delivered Home Rule. She howled with laughter: “My spirit guide is saying that’s not going to happen, but rest assured Mr Rennie will be going to a far better place even if the black shadow demons from the fiery gates of hell come to take him for an eternity of red hot pokers being repeatedly stabbed up his jacksie.”

BBC Scotlandshire asked Ian Davidson MP, Chairchoob of the Scottish Affairs Committee for Negative Attitudes Explaining Destruction Of Scottish Hairies, about the sluggish growth but we suspect he heard us wrong. He growled: “Whet was that? Yurr lookin fur sum thuggish groawf? Here hud ma jaiket while a show ya sum thuggish groawf, ya bastirt!”

This reporter was then aware of hitting the floor, but before passing out I heard the words: "... und this wan is fur yurr wummin - Newsnat nay mair!"

 

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Related Articles

BBC in Scotlandshire : UK loses top AAA credit rating for first time since 1978 

BBC in Scotlandshire : AAA loss: Pound falls as markets react to downgrade

Moody's.com : Moody's downgrades UK's government bond rating to Aa1 from Aaa; outlook is now stable

Forex Live : Pound Tumbles In Late NY Trading As Moody’s Downgrade UK Credit Rating To Aa1 

YES Scotland : 'No' campaign challenged to withdraw misleading leaflet after UK loses AAA rating 

Wings over Scotland : The miracle of poverty

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