U-KOK Secret Leader Exposes Himself

By Scott Fleg-Monger, Our Westminster Correspondent

david-cameron-flagDissatisfied with the performance of U-KOK frontman, Alastair Darling,  UK PM David Cameron has exposed himself as the real leader of the campaign to keep Scotlandshire subservient to London. In a number of messages to his people on Sunday, Cameron revealed the positive case for the Union.

Based on Britain having a "proud and emotional history" (thought to be a reference to the alcohol consumption at Westminster) Cameron highlighted that "our ancestors explored the world together."

Chinese leader, Wen Jiabao, pointed out that since man first left Africa, our ancestors have been exploring the world together, and if that was a justification for political union, then China, as the largest group of humanity, would incorporate England into the People's Republic. "After all", he said, "we already own large parts of London and have many votes in the election of the Lord Mayor of London."

However, in a later tweet, Cameron clarified his position. "Note to les foreign médias: quand je speak of le value of political unions c'est purely for le domestic audience naturellement."

In an unfortunate, error, UK Government Ministers simultaneously revealed that elderly care (in England only) would be funded by raising more from Inheritance Tax levied in Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland. "Bugger!", said Cameron, "They weren't supposed to let slip that 'Better together' only applied to us, not them."

In a shocking display of impartiality, on Monday, the BBC in London Today programme broadcast an interview with one of the author's of the UK's legal advice, and allowed him to say that entry to the UN was "not going to be a big issue", that "most treaties aren't going to be a major issue" and that "the Scottish estimate is about 18 months and that seems realistic".

An editorial statement from the office of the Director-General of BBC Scotlandshire read "We are horrified at the cack-handed way that the No campaign is being run, since it was hijacked by London. It has been characterised by incompetence, mismanagement, and political naievete as to how politics in Scotlandshire works. London is not handling this issue with any regard to Scotch needs or interests.

1707-fire-extinguishers"There's a reason why Governments don't publish legal advice. It's because it's crap politics. How could anyone with any sense publicly admit that Scotland was "extinguished" in 1707. Of course it's true. That's why we are BBC Scotlandshire, but publicly stating that is just shitting in your own pants.

"The sooner we can return to an independent Scottish campaign, designed purely in Scotlandshire's interests, and paying no regard to Westminster Tories, or Whitehall bumbling, the better. Freeeeedom!"

As mandated by our Charter, we are required to quote Labour's Ian Davidson MP, Chairchoob of the Scottish Affairs select committee on Anxiously Retarding Scotland and England Becoming Independent by Shoddily Cataloguing Unionist Inspired Taboos on Separation, on a regular basis - and pay him appearance money.

Davidson intoned: "Ah dinnae unnerstawn why thon limp-biscuit posh boy Dave gets tae be the leader ay the naw campaign noo that the wee silver Darlin has screwed it up. Wur aw Tories the gither efter aw.

"That shood ay been ma f—kin joab. Ah've goat mair credibl credabily credulity than ony uthir Tory spokesned thur is – plus ah kin talk shite fur oors oan end. Ah'd be pure dead brilliant at gein they separatists a daily doin, so ah wid!"

Johann Lamont was unavailable for comment as she was still sulking after being passed over yet again.


Related Articles

10 Downing Street : Scotland in the UK - best of both worlds

BBC UK : Social care: Inheritance tax freeze expected

Scotland Office : Opinion: Referendum on the Independence of Scotland – International Law Aspects


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