By Bull Terryer, Our Doggie Style Correspondent

The SNP Government was accused of ignoring animal welfare issues in their blind drive for separation.

While mandatory microchipping of dogs had started in Northern Ireland, and will become law in England in 2016, the SNP has no plans to introduce similar legislation here.

Deputy leader of Labour in Scotlandshire and MP for a bit of Glasgow that he saw as a child, Anas Sarwar said, "On behalf of all hard working dogs in Scotlandshire, I demand that every dog there be implanted with the same type of microchip control device that MPs get.

He continued, "That allows us to be kept under control by our owners in Whitehall, but still allows us the freedom to attack separatists and other smelly scum, such as the young, the poor disabled and elderly who scrounge off the state  Freed of the old-fashioned leash and collar, it also allows us the personal freedom to sit down at any time and lick our balls."

Perhaps his demonstration that he could indeed do that was unnecessary, though Margaret Curran MP looked impressed.

Sarwar then threw out a challenge. "I bet the Honourable Member for Na h-Eileanan an Iar can't do that!"
Rising from his basket, Angus MacNeil was forced to admit his deficiency in that skill. "The Honourable Member has an advantage over me in that.", he said, "Still having a spine, makes that contortion a little difficult. Even more impressive is his ability to speak out of his arse, while doing so."

Winston, spokespug for the League for Protecting English Bloodlines, barked, "We totally approve of microchipping as a first step to the eradication of foreign genetic lines.

"The invasion of England by French Poodles, Mexican Chihuahuas, Afghan Hounds, American Pit Bulls etc, not to mention those separatist Golden Retrievers and Collies from Scotlandshire, means a lack of good homes for traditional bloodlines like myself, Airedales, King Charles Spaniels and the Fox Terriers. With proper immigration records we can start the process of forcible deportation of foreign breeds."

Goldie (not Annabel btw), spokesbitch for the Scottish Campaign for Breed Equality woofed, "Scots dugs are civic not ethnic canines. Most of us are mongrels in any case - and rather proud of it. Scotlandshire requires a policy to boost canine immigration while there is a single dugless house.

"We urge the Scottish government to reject the racist restriction of civil liberties being perpetrated on our friends and neighbours south of the border. After independence, we will maintain the social union with other dugs in these islands - especially in the joint breeding programmes that I'm hot to take part in twice a year, though not with Winston!"

At Holyrood Ruth Davidson MSP, spokesperson for the Conservative Labour Alliance, bitched that SNP Ministers were dogging off from their responsibilities to apply Westminster austerity measures to Scotland. "It's not good enough", she whined, "for the separatists to see the benefits of microchipping, but not to make it compulsory. If we are to make life as difficult as possible for the old, the lonely, the disabled who didn't have the sense to inherit wealth, and are scrounging off the state to have a dog, then a charge of £20 - £30 to make dog owning legal makes sense. Those who can't afford such a tiny amount from their benefits, can't afford to buy dog food either, so we are actually helping them get back into workfare."

Related Articles

BBC UK : Dogs in England must be microchipped from 2016

Daily Mash : Dogs condemn microchipping as 'Orwellian'

Daily Record : Scottish Labour turn up heat on SNP

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