By Britt Fann, Political Reporter

The UK Scottish Secretary said coalition ministers would not be negotiating in advance of the independence referendum.

He made the remark ahead of the UK Parliament voting on legislation to give the Scottish Parliament the legal right to hold the poll

(Spoof site BBC Scotland said the right would be given to the Scottish Government - which shows how crap their reporters are - Nyah, nyah!)

Remarkably, separatist supporters seemed strangely relaxed about what Moore considered to be a devastating blow to their campaign.

A Yes campaign spokessplitter said, "We didn't want negotiations with UK Ministers, since their ignorance of the issues is massive. Technical discussions between civil servants seemed sensible, but the UK stance depends on maximising ignorance."

In a statement of the bleeding obvious, Moore pointed out, "That means on referendum day the terms of the settlement for an independent Scotland will not be known - and that's how we want to keep things.

"It's clearly in the interests of all of us in these islands that we stick our fingers in our ears, and sing 'La La La' as loudly as possible in the hope that I can keep my job. Obviously, if Scotland votes Yes, the rUK Government won't let me anywhere near negotiations or office.

"I have made it abundantly clear that Scotland is best off with a token Scot or two in the Westminster Government, so that Westminster is made stronger in its bid to return to ruling the world - even though Ming the Merciless had to be sacrificed to allow us to complete the historic mission of the British Nation!

"As our friends in Ulster have admirably shown, any reduction of influence of the Union Flag needs to be stoutly resisted."

Joruth Lavison, Conlab lederene, was unfortunately unavailable for comment, due to an excess of bile, which required immediate medical attention.

Willie Rennie, bus conductor and remnant Lib Dem representative in Scotlandshire, expressed his delight that Moore was being intransigent. "Scots? Whit dae they ken, eh? Damn all if we kin help it."

Lord Forsyth of Dungavel (just call me Your Lordship) proclaimed, "What referendum? As a democratically appointed Lord of the Dance. I'll ensure that this disgusting attempt to disrupt the Queen's Realm will never see the light of day - just as I make sure that I never do!. Now away with you, scurvy knave."

Ian Davidson MP was desperate to be interviewed. "Fin I wis a bairn, there wis only wan Liberal up here - and he wis a Tory. Noo, aw the SLab MPs are Tories as weel. That's progress!"

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BBC Scotland : Scottish independence: Moore rejects pre-referendum negotiation

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